Menopause expert sheds light on menopause and relationships ahead of National Divorce Day

Menopause expert Kate Usher shares advice on how menopause impacts relationships and offers tips to help couples navigate this challenging phase.

As National Divorce Day approaches on 6 January - the day some couples make a beeline for their solicitors - renowned menopause expert and author Kate Usher is encouraging couples to pause and consider whether menopause could be at the root of their relationship struggles.

Kate, who runs Menopause in Business to help organisations become more menopause-inclusive, is an expert in menopause and the many and various ways it can affect women and their families In 2024 she published A Couple’s Guide to Menopause – Navigating the Change Together with her husband Neil and says the symptoms of menopause can be a silent but significant stressor in relationships.

“Menopause brings a wide range of physical and emotional symptoms that can leave both partners feeling exhausted, disconnected, and misunderstood,” said Kate. “For many, this phase of life coincides with high-stress careers, family demands, and a growing sense of distance in their relationships.”

According to the Office for National Statistics, 62 per cent of divorces are initiated by women over the age of 45. A survey conducted by The Family Law Menopause Project and Newson Health Research and Education further highlights the impact, with 73 per cent of women blaming menopause for the breakdown of their marriage, and 67 per cent reporting that it increased domestic arguments and instances of abuse. These figures underline how menopause can contribute to relationship strain and emotional upheaval.

Kate explains that while some relationships may be beyond repair, others can be strengthened with the right understanding, communication, and support. She shares her expert advice for couples struggling to navigate the menopause journey together:

1. Recognise menopause for what it is

Menopause can amplify misunderstandings and arguments, but recognising that the symptoms are part of a natural life stage can help shift perspectives. Mood swings, fatigue, and loss of intimacy aren’t about a lack of love - they’re symptoms that need understanding and compassion.

2. Start talking: silence breeds resentment

Communication is key. Kate recommends setting aside time for calm, honest conversations about how both partners are feeling: “Menopause can be isolating for both people in the relationship. Talking openly can make all the difference in breaking cycles of frustration and emotional distance.”

3. Don’t make big decisions during a low point

It is easy to feel like divorce is the only answer when emotions are running high. Kate urges couples to pause and take stock: “Menopause can cloud judgement and heighten emotions. Give yourselves time and space before making life-altering decisions.”

4. Redefine intimacy

Physical changes can impact libido, but intimacy is not just about physical closeness. Kate encourages couples to focus on small, affectionate gestures: “Hold hands, spend quality time together, and don’t underestimate the power of laughter.” Rebuilding emotional connection can reignite closeness over time.

5. Learn together: education empowers both partners

Understanding menopause can demystify symptoms and reduce frustration. Kate’s book, co-written with her husband Neil, offers both a woman’s and a man’s perspective, providing practical advice to help couples face menopause as a team.

6. Seek help when you need it

Sometimes external support is needed. Whether it is relationship counselling, menopause education, or speaking to a GP about symptom management, seeking help can equip couples with the tools they need to move forward.

7. Remember, menopause will not last forever

Kate reassures couples that menopause, while challenging, is temporary: “Relationships that weather the menopause storm often come out stronger. Patience and understanding can see you through to the other side.”

Kate’s own experience with menopause and its impact on her relationship inspired her to help others facing similar challenges. Together with her husband Neil, she wrote A Couple’s Guide to Menopause to share their honest, practical insights.

“Divorce is incredibly difficult, emotionally and financially,” says Kate. “For couples struggling during menopause, small changes in understanding and communication can make a world of difference. Before you make any decisions, take a step back and consider whether there’s still a path to connection.”